Pushing On
by danilovesglee
Summary: AU Finchel. Finn feels like he can't live without Rachel. Literally. She promises him that she would never leave him. But can she really stick around when she feels suffocated?
1. Chapter 1

**I know I know, new story and I can't even update #POTS. I'm so so sorry about that but I lost all my info on my ipod and I finally have a laptop so I'm trying to get it all back. So if you read that please be patient.**

**AU Finchel. **

**Hope you like it, this was supposed to me a one shot but my imagination took it further.**

Finn awoke from his nap and gently brushed his hand over his face. Letting out a soft sigh he turned towards the other side of the bed to see where Rachel would be laying, she wasn't. Finn quickly sat up on the bed making his head spin, you should know that Finn has a fear of Rachel leaving him.  
He doesn't know why, but whenever she just dissapears like that he freaks. It has happened since he was a young boy and had first met Rachel.  
Antytime another boy got close to her, just to ask her what the homework was he would star paniking thinking that she was going to choose that little boy over him. She always told him otherwise but that fear was always at the back of his head.

"Rachel?" He called out. No answer. Finn's breathing started getting heavier and his heart was beating way too fast for his liking.  
He stood up off the bed and walked over to the bathroom where he thought Rachel would be. She wasn't. He tried to slow his breathing as he walked out into the living room.

"Rach?" His voice croaked.

"Finn she just went out for some coffee." He hadn't noticed his brother Kurt sitting on a kitchen stool eating some cereal.

"Are you sure? Did she tell you that?" Kurt nodded swallowing down some cereal.

"Finn, maybe its time to see the doctor about those anti-panic pills? it's getting worse." Finn shook his head.

"No Kurt, I'm not crazy o-or sick."

"I'm not saying you are but maybe they could help?" Finn wallowed over to the fridge, opening it and grabbing himself some orange juice.

"Maybe, but what if they just make whatever this is worse? The doctor said it was a possibility, Kurt, if this gets worse than it already is, she'll leave me." Kurt sighed putting his empty bowl in the sink.

"Finn, she won't Rachel loves you so much. She won't leave you, in sickness and in health remember?" Finn looked down at his bare feet thinking that maybe Kurt was right, it was time to see a doctor. Just when he finished that thought the door opened and the voice of his lovely wife filled the apartment.

"Is Finn awake y-" Before Rachel could finish Finn had tackled her into a bear hug.

"You came back." Finn said as he nuzzled his nose in her hair, the smell of strawberries (her favorite shampoo, that he accidentaly baught her one day) filled his nose.

"Of course I did, don't I always?" She said pulling away and kissing his cheek.

"Yeah, yeah you always do." He watched her go around the counter and place the coffee beans in the grinder.

"Kurt if you want you can go now." Rachel said to Kurt, Kurt nodded and took his keys off the counter walking towards the door.

"Bye lovebirds! I'll see you at the dinner on Sunday."

"Bye Kurt!" Rachel yelled across the kitchen towards the door. He walked over to her putting his arms around her, resting his chin in the crook of her neck.

"You scared me." She tensed a bit but relaxed immidiately.

"I'll never leave you, you know that."

"I do, but I think Kurt's right, I-I should go see a doctor." Rachel turned around making Finn let go of her.

"Are you sure? Its up to you." She smiled reasuringly and held his hand.

"Yes, I want to get better, for you." Rachel's smile got wider.

"You also have to do it for you Finn." Finn nodded and smiled.

"I'm doing it for us. Can you book the appointment with Doctor Barr?" Rachel gently pushed past Finn and into the living room where she had set down her purse, fishing out Dr. Barr's card from her wallet she walked over to the phone and dialed.

"Hello, yes I'm very good thank you, I was wondering if I could book an apointment with Doctor Barr?" Finn coudn't hear the other voice, but Rachel was nodding along to everything the other person was possibly saying.

"Anything this week?" Silence. "Yes, Wednesday works perfect, thank you so much, have a nice day." She hung up and turned towards him.

"Wednesday at Three in the afternoon." Finn inhaled and exhaled slowly.

"Okay, this is a good thing." Rachel took his hand and pulled him back to the kitchen.

"I believe that everything will turn out okay, it's not that bad Finn." A frown took over Finn's face.

"Are you being serious right now? Not bad? Rachel, everytime you're out of sight I freaking can't breath and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack!" Rachel placed her soft hand on his cheek, calming him down.

"It's not like that, but you'll see the doctor will make everything better." She quickly returned to grinding the coffee beans.

"Fresh coffee's my favorite."

"I know Rach." Rachel turned around with a pout on her face.

"Finn." "I'm just worried, I need to go work, Oh! Wait, I can't because I can't be away from you, I can't give you space." His voice broke at the end, walking over to the couch. Tears started pouring from his eyes, his body shaking with sobs.

"Oh Finn." Rachel sat down next to him, wrapping her arms around him. A few tears falling from her eyes.

"I just want to be normal." "You are, you're normal Finn. It'll all turn out fine." Finn shook his head.

"This." He gestured to himslef. "This is not normal, I'm screwed up."

"You are not! You are perfect Finn! You are perfect to me, I love you and I will never leave you." Finn's breathing started to even out as he stopped crying.

"Thank you, I love you so, so much."

"I know you do Finny." He ususally had these attacks, they didn't have to be talking about his "condition" they just randomly happened.

"You're never going to finish making that coffee, I don't think you need it anyways. I'ts Five."

"Maybe something else can keep me awake for a little longer?" Finn lifted his eyebrow as a cheeky grin took over his face.

"I think it'll put you right to sleep when we finish." Rachel stood up walking over to their bedroom. Finn looked down at his would be okay. He would be fine and he could still be with Rachel. Remembering what was waiting for him in the other room, he put his worries aside and sped off to make love to his beautiful wife.


	2. Hello Doc!

**Yay! Chapter two! Because I had a spare this morning in school so I wrote. I hope you like it. SO yeah, go ahead. Reviewer person, first thanks for reviewing and second I think so yes, I think possibly the questions are answered in this chapter. No! It's not a continuation of any story. This is new, "Powers of the sun" Or "POTS" is just another story I'm working on that I can't get around to finishing. Hope that answers your question. If it doesn't just PM me! **

Finn couldn't stop pacing the floor. He was anxious to get in to see the doctor. The plain white walls that sorrounded the waiting area made him want to throw up. He hated the doctors office. All the smells the colours. Absolutely everything.

"Finn sit down, people are staring." Rachel spoke up from her seat. He hated emberassing Rachel and even if Rachel didn't look like she was eberassesd, he thought she was.

"I'm sorry." He said siting down on the red cushiony chair next to her.

"It's okay baby."

"Finn Hudson" A nurse with an accent called out. Rachel quickly stod up and started walking towards the nurse. Finn let out a sigh and stood up ready to go deal with his problems. Hopefully it wasn't anything too bad.

"Right this way." The nurse said pointing them in the direction of a small baige room. "The doctor will come see you in a few minutes." The nurse left and closed the door. Rachel sat down on a little stool and Finn took the other chair, like the ones that had been out in the waiting room.

"I hate this." Finn stated making Rachel scoot over a bit closer to him.

"What?"

"Waiting out there and then waiting in here, why can't they call us when the doctor is actually ready?" Rachel giggled.

"I know how you feel, I hate it too." Finn looked at Rachel and stared at her face. Her lips full and in a smile. Her cheeks where flushed pink, her eyes shining. He loved her. Loved her so much. She was his life line, he didn't know what he would do without her. Well actually he would probably give up on living but if he didn't have those panic attacks and these were regular circumtances he would also pobably give up on life. That's how much she meant to him. The door suddenly opened and in stepped a chubby man with snow white hair that looked like it was glued on to his head.

"Hello, I'm doctor Barr." The man said holing out his hand to shake Finn's.  
Finn took the mans hand and smiled tentativley. The doctor reached out to shake Rachel's hand and Finn tensed. Rachel gave him a reasuring look and shook the doctor's hand.

"Well let's all it back own so we can talk about what the problem is." Dr. Barr started typing out some things on his computer entering Finn's name.

"So Finn, you're here by recommendation of Doctor Evans correct?"

"Yes sir." Finn nodded.

"So what seems to be the problem?" The doctor said turning around to face Finn instead of the computer.

"Well, uh- whenever Rachel-" Finn pointed at Rachel beside him. "is out of sight or leaves for some reason, I start hyperventalating and I feel like I can't breath.

"So pretty much a panic attack?" Finn nodded and the doctor returned to typing on his computer.

"Can you tell me when this started?"

"When I was around eight and I first met Rachel, but it wasn't as bad."

"Do you panic when she's with you?" Rachel was quiet throughout the exchange, only nodding along to the information.

"No."

"Finn, I need you to answer these questions okay?" Finn again nodded.

"Do you ever feel like you're going to have a heart attack?"

"Yes."

"Shaking?"

"Yes."

"Fear that you're going to die?"

"Yes." Rachel looked shocked at the new found information. He had never told her that, in fear that she would feel like he was obssesed with her and she would leave him.

"Chills or hot flashes?"

"Yes." It went on and on like that for a while, Finn only saying "no" when the doctor asked if he was housebound.

"Finn, I can tell you right now that you either have "Panic disorder without agoraphobia" or "Panic disorder with agoraphobia" the only difference is that without agoraphobia can go away over time if you talk to someone and find out what you can do about it and with agoraphobia you get panic attacks anywhere. With you it only seems that it happens when Rachel's not around and that's rare. There's no medication that is given to cure this but it can certainly get better." Finn took in all the information slowly and processing that he actually did have panic attacks.

"So I'm mentally sick?"

"No, its not due other mentall inless. If it was I could give you something to calm it down."

"Doctor?" Rachel spoke uo for the first time.

"Yes?"

"He'll be okay right?"

"He will, he just needs to come talk to someone every week until we see a change." The doctor stood up and opened the door.

"Rachel would you mind stepping out of the room, I want to try something." Rachel stood up and walked towards the door. Before she could get to far Finn stood up and took her hand.

"No, no please." Finn's voice shook.

"Finn, she'll be right outside the door. She can walk right back in if you need her." The doctor nodded towards Rachel, silently telling her to leave. Rachel took Finn's hand with her free one hand and pulled it off her other. She stepped out of the room and the door shut behind her.

"Open the door, please." Finn said looking at the door.

"She's right outside Finn, she isn't going anywhere."

"I can't breath. I- I just please." Finn started breathing faster, he was shaking, one hand clutched at his chest.

"What if she did leave Finn, what if when we opened the door she isn't there anymore?" The doctor spoke in a calm voice.

"No! No, Open the door!" Finn yelled reaching for the door. Before he could doctor Barr told him to stop.

"Sit back down Finn." If the doctor wanted him to calm down why was he putting ideas of Rachel leaving in his head.

"I can't. Please." Finn's eyes started to swell and his breathing slowed.

"Rachel." Finn burried his face in his hands and his body started shaking.  
The doctor opened the door and Finn felt soft hands on his arms pulling them away from his face. He looked up at Rachel's face and lept up to hug her. She was teary but didn't show any signs of weakness.

"Baby." Finn's body still shook with sobs as he hugged her.

"I'm sorry but it had to be done." The doctor spoke up. Finn looked at him and nodded.

"It's okay." Finn said not letting go of Rachel's hand.

"I think I know what the solution to this could be." Rachel looked at the doctor suspiciously, hoping he wasn't going to say what she thought he was going to say.

"Finn, you need to go live with someone else for a while, Rachel stays home." Well that was worse than she was thinking.

"No."

_**DanilovesCORY, it's actually that now so.**_

_**Have a wonderful day! weeeeeeee!**_


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